“I have worked so hard to be happy” my client said in despair.*
“I did everything right. I did all the things that are supposed to make a happy life. I went to University, worked hard to get the position I have in my career, I married my college boyfriend and we’ve raised a family. I achieved all the goals I set out to achieve.”
“But I don’t feel the way I thought I would.”
“From everyone else’s perspective my life looks perfect, but for me it feels empty. I’m almost in my forties and I thought with all the choices I have made, my life would be happy by this point.”
“But instead, I feel disappointed, let down and resentful.”
“No one around me understands. They think I should be happy and that just makes me feel worse because I’m not.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
As I took this client through the discovery process of coaching we were able to identify three initial beliefs that were blocking her happiness. As we took the process deeper we got to the root belief that was the initiator of these three interfering beliefs.
The root belief was “I don’t deserve happiness.”
Like all root beliefs this belief formed from my clients life experiences.
Growing up her family did not have a lot of money. Her parents were not educated and her father worked long days on a commercial fishing boat and her mother worked in a fish cannery to give her an education.
Part way through her final year of University and months away from her mother’s retirement her mother died.
Through our work together we pinpointed the belief “I don’t deserve happiness” took root at this time. It stemmed from the unconscious conclusion that her mother worked so hard for happiness and never got it.
To counteract the grief and guilt my client felt over this as a young woman this subconscious belief took hold costing her 15 years of deflected happiness in her life, relationship, family and career.
When we dismantled the belief, the wall of grief and guilt was released safely and immediately. Her emotions were allowed to flow again and the emptiness she had previously experienced dissolved as she was able to begin to feel her emotions again.
She described this as “Coming alive after a long sleep. Everything in my life feels brighter and better than before.”
We addressed the fear that if she allowed herself to get close to happiness she too might die.
I supported her in safely and cleanly grieving the loss of her mother and she arrived at a peaceful place where she said for the first time since her mother passed, she felt closest to her.
We gently and safely processed and released the anger, guilt and ultimate sadness she felt over having given up 15 years of happiness. She was able to make peace with herself and have compassion and understanding for doing the best she could in a difficult situation.
She was free to begin living her happiness!
As with all my clients, I love the updates on their lives and as per my final assignment to her – to begin living her happiness and the happiness her mother would have enjoyed – her most recent update was a picture of her happy and celebrating with her daughter “My Mother’s Grand Daughter” the caption read in Greece where her mother was from and had intended to travel to again.
She signed the email “I deserved this!”
*Story told with permission
Indicators that You Are Deflecting Happiness Due to an Unconscious Belief
In situations that are meant to be enjoyable you feel:
- Let down
- Like an outsider
- Like you are going through the motions
You can feel one or more of these and in any combination and at different times. In the end you feel disappointed and can begin to blame the situation, others and yourself. It is a debilitating cycle.
If you struggle with happiness or have struggled with happiness I am listening in the comments below and would love to hear your story.
And if you have struggled long enough and are ready to release it, I am here to support you.
Email me to schedule a private 30 minute no-fee consult HERE.